Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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