I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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