If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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