oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
