we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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