Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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