I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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