Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
