I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You work out of a Hotel?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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