You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
