we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
