is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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