my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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