All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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