I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
