fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
