Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
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How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
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You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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