Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
