it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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