I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize