Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
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It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
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