you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
