I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I want to make a zoo with you.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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