is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
