Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
