Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I did not marry a roomba.
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