I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
