I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
