Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
