How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
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