So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
