Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
