She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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