you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
