uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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