fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
