i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
