First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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