3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So drunk its hurt
I wanna passion pit in your ass
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
