no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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