i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
