i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
