Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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