I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
