A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
