Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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