dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
