i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
