Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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