Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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