turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
