she pinky promised me she was 18
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
