I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
