Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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