I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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