i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
