just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
