member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
